The last few years I’ve gone through many storms. From struggling financially, to miscarrying, to now going through a divorce… going through storms seems to be my daily forecast. I don’t even bother to grab an umbrella anymore. 😉 What I’m learning, though, is my normal actually isn’t that abnormal. As I’ve opened up about my journey publicly, I’ve learned that my story resonates with a lot of people that are quietly coping with their struggles. It hurts my heart to see how many people are hiding in their hurt. And who can blame them? Being open and vulnurable these days and talking about how screwed up our lives are isn’t exactly a “thing”.
In this society, we like to make it seem like our life is perfect but let’s be honest… who can relate to perfection?! nobody. This image for perfection starts at a young age. I remember growing up always feeling the need to fit in. I felt defined by the brands of clothes I wore. I remember being so angry at my mom for not letting me wear makeup because all the popular girls were already wearing it. What I didn’t know was that in this process of trying to create my perfect image, I was manifesting a terrible mindset that would be far more destructive than lack of popularity could ever be.
We NEED more people willing to rumble with vulnerability. With their REAL STORY. The unspoken truth. The real shit.
Social media has now taken this facade of perfection to a whole new level by creating highlight reel for all the greatest moments in our daily lives. It’s a lot easier to talk about to good shit than the hard shit. We love to share our professional perfectly posed family photos. We love to post how amazing our kids are. But we wouldn’t don’t dare mention that we could barely afford that professional photo session. Or that a lot of the time, our awesome kids make us want to pull out our hair. We don’t talk about the fight we just had with our husband, or how we worked through it. We definitely don’t post about the fact that our 4-year-old child just said the F word in the right context (Yes that has happened to me lol).
The issue is, we’re only holding ourselves back by trying to keep up this unrealistic picture of life. Like Brené brown says, we need more people willing to rumble with vulnerability. With their real story. The unspoken truth. The real shit. We need to see that the storms are so much more normal than people expect. We need to see this so that we can begin to embrace the storms in our lives, and actually use them to our own benefit.
Here are FIVE ways that have helped ME and many women in my life- rumble with the storm & turn our struggles into strengths.
1. COMMUNITY
Jump IN, not OUT. Find a tribe that you can connect with. Yes, you will need to get vulnerable, but if it’s in a private setting – why not? That is the only way you will be able to truly connect with your people. Social media is an AMAZING thing. IF you use it (which if you are reading this you most likely do). There are many Facebook groups you can join depending on things you are struggling with… moms groups, cooking groups, dog mom groups, healthy lifestyle groups, mindset groups (that I actually run every month) etc. Your future will be defined by the FIVE closest people you surround yourself. What does this mean for you? Are the people you are surrounding yourself with helping you push forward in a positive direction, or holding you back?
2. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Whether it’s reading or audio, THIS IS A MUST. I HATED reading growing up. I want to get something straight. These books are interesting. I went to a Spanish immersion school where I became fluent in fourth grade. As you can imagine, learning to read as a child in both English AND Spanish was a CHALLENGE. So much so that I developed a fear of reading out loud in class because I felt like I was so slow compared to the other kids. (Comparison = no bueno!) So when someone first brought to my attention personal development books, I said no thanks, I’m good! I have an awesome family, healthy kids, and a thriving business…. Plus I hate reading (hi negative emma). I just didn’t need it, OK? Well, I was wrong. EVERYONE can benefit from this. Who cares if you’re not a reader? Nobody’s judging… this is for YOU. And no I am not talking download one book on audio, listen to it and call it good. This is an ongoing PROCESS. Just like taking antibiotics. You can’t just take it for one day and feel better. We need to fill our mind with a dose of positivity DAILY, and work to make it a little a part of our daily routine. It is for me, and has been for the last three years. I absolutely would not be where I am today without the wisdom I’ve gained from this.
Stay tuned… I’ll be sharing a list of my favorite personal development books in the near future!
3. PATIENCE
In our society we are so used to things happening instantly. Especially with the way technology has completely changed our definition of “convenience”. Forget to buy a birthday present? Order on Amazon Prime Now and you’ll have it delivered in 2 hours. Need information? Google it instantly. Need coffee ASAP? Keurig can fix it. I’m also noticing this with my son and trying to teach him patience. He gets mad when Netflix takes “to long” (what all of 10 seconds?) to turn on. Our world has redefined our concept of time, but the timing of our storms have NOT changed. Rome was not built overnight, people. Just stop. Be patient. Storms take time… but they don’t last forever.
4. EMOTIONS
Feel them. And TALK about them. Find people you trust and open up. Most likely, they will be able to relate in some way. If you want better control over your emotions, seek out a shrink or therapy. Call your insurance and have them send you a list of the people that will accept your insurance (that is exactly what I did) . You have to get REAL with yourself. You have to DIG deep with things you have gone through in your life. It’s hard to admit your faults. It’s hard to feel like a failure, especially after working so hard at trying to succeed. But I can tell you, you can learn so much from your failure. You may not understand it now, and hearing things like “it gets better” isn’t always enough. But understand eventually, time can heal all wounds, if you’ll let it. I am slowly but surely learning this.
5. VISION
How can you navigate through a storm if you have no idea where you’re going?! We all dream big, but those dreams only become a reality if we take action. We have fear and don’t go after the things we want in life because of our fearof failure. Why do we have such a fear of failure? Who put in our minds that failure was bad, rather than what it really is – a chance to learn and grow. Your why needs to be bigger than yourself. Again this comes back to patience. If you do not have a goal or vision for what you are working towards for the next 5, 10, 15 years, how can you continue to know where your energy needs to go?
A great way to establish this vision is through a vision board. When I first made a vision board, I froze. Sometimes the experience can be difficult because we put limitations on ourselves. When making a vision board… dream big! You can make it on your computer or on paper and cut out magazine… whatever works for you. Just do it.
On my vision board this year I put down three words that I wanted to live and happen in 2016. Worry Free, Unfiltered and Present. I can not tell you how crazy it is that I truly feel like all of those things have happened in my life this year. Maybe not in a way I thought my life was supposed to look like… but in the way God intended it to be.
I am still going through a storm, but it is getting easier. I am more aware of my emotions than ever before and truly looking at this as a blessing rather than a curse. Oh! And One more thing…. go watch the documentary “the secret”. It is on Netflix… it will change your life, like it did mine.
Emma Owen is a mom of 2 young kids, who’s passionate about achieving a healthy, happy and perfectly IMPERFECT life! Meet Emma!
I loved reading this. Great post and very informative…inspiring!! However the constant spacing between certain words made it hard to focus on the whole paragraph and only made me focus on the words. If there’s a reason they are like that, then ignore me! Just made it harder to focus on the whole meaning of the post…but anyways I really enjoyed reading Emma’s post.